George
by Kaethir
Summary: A short little humourous ficlet about Seamus' love troubles and Luna's dilemma.


**Author notes:** This is the result of a role-play I had with one of my friends. Neither of us was taking it seriously, and I rather enjoyed the edited results. Remember, reviews make my day brighter! (In case you're curious, I was Luna. Heh.)

**Disclaimer:** 'Looney' Luna and 'Shaggable' Seamus are property of JK Rowling, but George is _all mine. _Bwahah!

* * *

She was fumbling with a large, awkward object in her hands, sitting cross-legged on the damp grass beside the lake. Brushing pale, listless hair out of her eyes, Luna bit her lip in concentration, and tried to focus on the thing. 

Ruffling his hair angrily, he stalked across the grounds of the castle, mumbling to himself now and again. He rubbed his eyes as he neared the lake, before tripping over a seated person. "Bugger! Ouch." Seamus exclaimed.

"Ow," she stated, as a matter of factly. Raking her eyes over Seamus' face, she nodded, and went back to examining the peculiar shape in her lap.

Frowning at the girl, Seamus stood up and shook the dewy grass from his robes. "What are you doing down there, you idiot?"

Raising her eyes to him with a perturbed expression, as if she'd already forgotten he was there, Luna shrugged. "Trying to figure out how this works. What are you doing up there?"

"Tripping over small girls for fun." He snapped back, irritated at her airy expression.

"Oh." She thought about it for a moment. "Is it?"

Sighing with exasperation, Seamus sat down on the grass next to her. "Do I know you?" He asked. "And what is that piece of junk anyway?"

"No, I don't think you do. My name is Luna, but you can call me Looney. Most people seem to. And this isn't a piece of junk, it's...Well, whatever it is, it's not a piece of junk!" The Ravenclaw pouted profusely, but grudgingly offered it to him.

Seamus took the object, and after fiddling with it for a while, threw it up into the air, catching it neatly. He winced in pain as he cradled it to his chest however. A huge gash had appeared on his left hand. "Bugger..."

"Be careful!" She snapped peevishly. "George is delicate. You might get blood on him."

"George?" He tossed 'George' back into her lab, nursing his wound gently. "You have a mystery object named _George_?"

"Yes." Luna glanced at him, confused, "I mean, doesn't _everyone_?"

"No, dear, they don't." He said, thoroughly fed up of Luna's bewilderment to his every sentence.

"Oh. Alright then. Well, he used to be Bob. Do you have a Bob?" She waited expectantly, scratching at the surface of George absentmindedly.

Seamus was taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Maybe a John then. Come on, you're _bound_ to have something. I mean, you were stomping around here as if your George/Bob/John just told you that your secret love affair is over."

Seamus was lost for words. He sighed deeply and stood up, preparing to leave.

"Wait!" Luna called, "But you haven't helped me figure out George's lost identity yet! He feels very misunderstood, and I feel bad 'cause of that."

"I'm sure George will, err...find himself soon." Seamus reassured her, slightly bemused. "Where'd you get him anyway?"

"Found it in the attic. Dad said that Mum used to do stuff with it, you know, before she was splattered to bits. Said I could have it if I could figure out how it worked." She cast a slightly saddened glance at the object. "Can't seem to, though, for the life of me."

"Have you asked one of the professors?" Seamus asked, really just making conversation.

"They seem to have some sort of condescending look reserved just for me, so I'd rather not bother. Anyways, it's so much nicer when it's your own secret, doncha think? I've already let you in on it, so you can't abandon me." The blonde said this with a roll of her eyes, as if he was being a twit, and wasn't it _obvious_?

"So I've suddenly been entered into some kind of evil cult?" Seamus asked, concerned. "Jeez, you Ravenclaws..."

"You know, that's not such a bad idea. The Cult of George. Has a ring to it, doncha think?" Luna's eyes sparkled. "Imagine the possibilities! But none of the Ravenclaws would help. I asked."

"I was kidding..." Seamus said with a sigh. He picked up a pebble from the grass, and threw it across the lake moodily. But he knew he wasn't doing it as well as 'Harry' would.

"Oh. Well it's a fantastic idea, nevertheless. And you're not doing that as well as Harry would, you know," Luna chided.

Seamus resisted the urge to scream (not as well as Harry, but whatever) and merely threw another handful of rocks into the water.

She looked surprised. "Oh, well, okay, that seems more like him. Honestly, are _all _of you Gryffindors that homicidal?"

Seamus nodded. "Pretty much. Although that Hufflepuff Chang girl could easily join our house."

"I'm not sure you'd like that. She whines a lot. Well, dunno, maybe that's your type. Anyways, what's gotten your shorts in a knot?" She fiddled with her hair, and remarked, "You know, you might scare people away if you keep going 'round with that raging-bull expression on your face."

"Haven't scared everyone off, apparently." He said, staring at her. "And why would I talk to you about Ron cheating on me with Harry?" He asked.

"Dunno, you tell me, since you apparently just did." She raised an eyebrow, and surveyed him thoughtfully.

Seamus cursed his own stupidity. "I didn't tell you! And anyway, just becuase they were kissing doesn't mean anything right?" Tears began to fill his eyes. "DOES IT?"

Luna patted him on the shoulder, "Shh, s'okay. Well, I'm fairly sure it does, but of course, it could be just insane teenage boy lust y'all seem to be so smitten with. I'm sure if you go snog other boys, he'll get jealous enough and come after you again."

"Really?" He asked, his eyes shining. "Who? How about Fred and George? That'll get Ron where it hurts..."

"Maybe. But last time I heard, they were 'waving wands in the non-combatative manner' with Snape, if you know what I mean." She thought for a moment. "Maybe Neville is lonely? I heard Trevor dumped him for a much more attractive female toad."

"No way! I thought Trevor was faithful." Seamus thought for a while. "How about Dumbledore?"

The answer was quick. "Getting it on with Voldemort."

"Darn..." Seamus pondered again. "Hagrid? Fluffy? Fang? Norbert?"

"Most likely not your size, will probably bite your head (and other parts) off, has an unfortunate drooling problem, and is engaged in naughty activities with Charlie."

Seamus pounded the grass with his fist. "How about that Sirius bloke? Or...MR WEASLEY?"

Luna sighed sympathetically, "Dead, and in denial about his sexual preference."

Seamus frowned. "Couldn't my lovely Irish charms persuade him?"

"If you can get past his wife, why not. Of course, she's a redhead, so beware."

"Luna, I'll do it!" With that, Seamus ran off towards the broomshed, although not without tripping, falling, rolling down a hill, landing in the lake, and getting eaten by the giant squid.

"And that was the end of yet another pretty boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Oh well." And with those words, she went back to displaying the love that dares not speak its name for her mystery object, George.

* * *

"AAAAH!" Harry woke suddenly, and sat up, breathing heavily. He knew it had been a bad idea to eat those peppermint humbugs before bedtime. Ugh, the horror. Well, at least it was over.

"Whas wrong?" Someone beside him muttered sleepily.

"N-nothing. Go back to sleep, Seamus."

FIN


End file.
